TOM BOONEN'S PULP REALITY

Eric Faber channels Quentin Tarantino, and we get:

"TOM BOONEN'S PULP REALITY"

 

Act. I Sc. II

 

EXT. New Jersey on 9W heading North. Saturday Morning. Summer

 

Two young fellas riding pimped out road bikes.

A white guy - VINCENT VEGA on a white Cervelo R3 with SRAM red and Zipp 404's

and a black guy JULES WINNFIELD astride a Pinarello Prince with Campy Record Red,

Campagnolo Bora's and bone white Cinelli handlebars with the words -

"BAD MOTHERFUCKER" in bold black letters across the top.

JULES

ok now tell me again about Belgium.

 

VINCENT

So what you want to know?

 

JULES

Well, coke is legal there, right?

 

VINCENT

No. It's 100% illegal. You

can't walk into a bar, roll up a €500

and start sniffin’away.

You're only supposed to snort in

your home or certain designated

places.

 

JULES

What about Boonen?

 

VINCENT

 

Yeah, it breaks down like this:

it's Illegal to buy it, it's Illegal to

own it and, if you're the

proprietor of the Cocaine, it's

Illegal to sell it. It's Illegal to

carry it, but ok to pour it into a drink when

know one's looking and your name is Tom Boonen.

And check this, if you test positive out of competition for

the "Yeyo" you don't get banned for doping!

In fact...you're employer gives you a contract extension!

 

 

JULES

Oh man, you know Quick Step is the joint!

 

VINCENT

 

Get a load of this - if you're Tom Boonen and the cops stop

you while speeding in your "Lambo" you just get your license

supended for two weeks. Now if you get busted again a month later

for speeding and your drunk, they suspend your license

for only another two weeks!

Now that's a right the ASO don't have.

 

 

JULES

That did it, man -- I'm fuckin'

goin', that's all there is to it.

 

VINCENT

You'll dig it the most. But you

know what the funniest thing about

Belgium is?

 

JULES

What?

 

VINCENT

It's the little differences. A

lotta the same shit we got here,

they got there, but there they're a

little different.

 

JULES

 

Example?

 

VINCENT

Well, in Belgium, Tom Boonen can date

under age chicks. And I don’t mean no

“I am 17 going on 18" kind a shit.

You can canoodle with a a SIX-TEEN-YEAR-OLD-GIRL!

 

 

JULES

(laughing)

 

Oh man! You know I'd ride that hard all the way to the finish!

 

VINCENT

 

In Belgium, also, you

know what they call 0.621371192237334 miles?

 

JULES

They don't call it a little over half a mile?

 

VINCENT

No, they got the metric system

there, they wouldn't know what the

fuck a little over half- mile is.

 

JULES

What'd they call it?

 

VINCENT

(Slowly)

 

They call it a Kilometer.

 

JULES

(repeating)

 

Kee-lom-a-terre.

 

What do they call doping?

 

VINCENT

Tuesday.

 

But you know what they put

on your Chamois in Belgium instead

of ketchup?

 

JULES

What?

 

VINCENT

Mustard.

 

JULES

Goddamn!

 

VINCENT

(Shaking his head)

I seen 'em do it. And I don't mean

a little bit on the side or nothin'

they fuckin drown em' boys in

that shit.

 

JULES

Uuccch!