Tour day Schmalz Stage 7

who really wants to wear a wristband? even levi doesn't wear it during TT. and bobke is getting the corp $.
real cyclist don't like anything on their wrist and if they do they have a livestrong band and maybe a watch. but to wear another thing - not practical.

contador was brilliant - he knew that if yellow was on lances shoulders, johan would have had the team work for lance and it would have been game over.

congrats to conti. hope he lands on a team next year that 1. respects him and doesn't make him sit in the back of the bus because he doesn't speak english 2. has team mates that will work for him especially in a TTT so as to limit his loses as that's about the only thing that will keep lance in the hunt.

Are you sure? Are you sure they weren't talking about his brother the sprinter, Romain Feillu?

Despite the overwhelming success of WikiSchmalz, a Friday without Hopeful is a Friday wasted. How do I talk trash about Unionvale?

What is playing nice, grinding teeth and sitting on wheels worth on the phallometer? I would say +3 today.

Lance, please go back to bed and try to get some sleep. You have a very special weekend ahead and don't want to miss out on all of the fun because you're crankier than usual.

Good night,

Bert

I do read this post - Juan Pelota

be prepared for endless comparisons to Richard Virenque by the media. Both riders sacrificed hearty meals for mountain glory.

"Livestrong is a dead stick if lance is not riding...great charity, but they need to seek a management consultant...How to raise money, attention, and do their great work without making lance race pro tour until he's 50..."

He looks like he's already 50 in that photo up there.

Firstly, stop writing to lance as if he reads your post.

secondly, he is on the bike for cancer survivors, the afflicted, and their support systems who's lives are also affected.

Livestrong is a dead stick if lance is not riding...great charity, but they need to seek a management consultant...How to raise money, attention, and do their great work without making lance race pro tour until he's 50...

contador should have let lance get yellow today. then lance could have happily "let" contador (who looks like the best, anyway) ride away afterward and claim both that the comeback was a success and that he is a team player, etc. now LA is just pissed - how frustrated was he when he was explaining that "you have to sit on the wheels" over and over.

...can not be trusted...I'm pretty sure Contador wears headphones during the pre race team meetings.

he attacked from third in in line of astana riders???? what was that about???attacking to gain time on a jersey that the team was about to inherit (virtually)???

He did the same thing to Levi in the Vuelta...he is talented but he is a selfish bastard...Levi has worked for lance, lance has worked for levi, contador is looking out for contador

Don't listen to Phil and Paul. They're just making it up and know nothing. They said the guy who won today was a sprinter and had no chance.
I don't know when it started but they're just part of the Armstrong entourage even down to wearing the yellow bracelets.

Road ID commercial:

(Crash!)

"Someone get this stupid cyclo-tourist off the race course!"

"Wait, it says here it's Levi Leipheimer!"

"Hi, I'm Levi Leipheimer, son, husband, LiveStrong toady. I wear Road ID because..."

Is looking on point for the future Astana plan. Let the healing begin for Lance and France as he has the "Gaul" to ride human-like and win the Gauls over while working as the good servant for his master - The Prince of Pinto.

The French will totally get it and love it. (They know cycling) The one's who won't and will weep tears of sadness are the American members of the "Cult of Livestrong" who can't imagine Lance not winning again.

things i don't understand

1) Astana is acting like they didn't want the responsibility of the yellow jersey cause it's too much work, yet they spent the whole stage acting like they had it already

2) why phil and paul kept saying astana was setting an infernal pace up the climb - so infernal it couldn't drop such esteemed climbers like Peter Velits. the group was 30 deep until the attacks started.

3) why was france de jeux amassing at the front at the bottom of the climb? planning a big move by sandy casar? really?

Does Bottle rock the RoadID during the Tour? I mean, he's fairly forgettable...

Lance says, critics say...."...arrogant(true)...a doper(probably)...washed up(are you?)...afraud(well, that may be too strong a word)...I couldn't let it go(isn't that true? You don't have the pedigree to sit in an office and giving lectures gets tired after a while).. Lance, you say you are not back on the bike for the critics...well, then who you are back on the bike for? Cancer survivors?

http://tour-de-france.velonews.com/article/94871/velonews-video-armstron...

Sounds like Lance and Levi agreed on the 'talking points'.

They should check Alberto's B sample right away.

i like 11:35 comment. opposite day

Contador had to make the move today. If Lance had gotten yellow, it would have been Lance's race to lose.
We'll see if Lance respects the jersey after Contador takes it tomorrow. Look for Lance to try making a move to take jersey first, but Contador is the stronger rider.

Reporting that Levi and Lance were not happy with the attack as it was not "part of the plan" but expected nonetheless. This drama (real now) is going to be good. Final TT should be good watchin...

Moved to Off Topic

You guys are hilarious, made my day.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kF9dCDCWo64

Hey everyone, good work today and remember to come back tomorrow. Almost ready to lay off Schmalz.

Gotta wonder if Feillu's gonna get in trouble with the team sponsors for not zipping up before crossing the line. Rookie.

gotta believe the LA - Berto drama is largely cooked up by those two and their agents.

bruno's butt in ems face at the grammys's

wardrobe malfunction

etc

etc

Hinault in an interview on Thursday:

“If I were Contador, I would attack Armstrong tomorrow in the climb to Arcalis to set the record straight and show him who’s the boss,”

Hmmmm. I wonder who 'Berto is listening to?

Wait, Phil's finally going to make the call... "Is this the post office ?"

It's Berto's race to lose now.

Kindly signs an autograph on a yellow jersey for a fan. A rider named Nocentini who has borrowed it for the day.

does his best Fred Astaire impersonation and makes Lance look like Ginger Rogers - as he dances backwards and in heels.

Mistakes the last 3k for a downhill and has trouble mastering the speed of the switchback and has to freewheel it. Lance will lecture him on his bike skills back on the bus.

Columbia's stated goal last year was to dominate shirts and podiums without a GC contender, so that Stapleton's business plan showing the high ROI in sponsorship would be fulfilled.

Now he has HTC and a new plan for green jersey, meaning Tony Martin, while a nice boy, will most likely have to hitch a ride into permatenth Moreauesque non-threatining obscurity if he wants to hold on to white.

My guess is if Martin gets too close to the sun then he will be punished like Icarus.

Bert's wat of saying if I wanted any shit out of you I'd check your depends ol man.

Too bad Columbia isn't in the GC hunt, or they'd be able to bitch about poor AG2R not controlling the race.

Say hi to your (deep inhale) lovely wife for me, Frankie.

Four Astanas, two Garmins and a Columbia in the top 10. A lowly A-zhay-deux-air in the lead. Poor Nocentini will be toyed with like one of those cappuchin monkeys strapped to a border collie at the Calgary Stampede.

Lance being interviewed, doing the 'tell' left and right.

The common narrative was that the French took the Festina affair more to heart, which is why they've been sucking the last few years.

Good point. Is it the bio passport doing its thing?

are no longer the pitiful pack fill of the Tour de France.

contador could've dance his way up the mountain much earlier. chompin' at the bit, he was.

Phil: "There's no infighting as far as I can see."

I can't believe the Tour had AG2R stencils at the ready for the yellow jersey!

From a friend who shall remain nameless: Contador looks like Ryan from 'The Office'. I think that makes Lance Michael Scott.

gracie combatives to be utilized tonight at astana dinner

a hot dinner tonight for taking the jersey? I think I saw the DS waving MRE's out the window, jabbering about freeze-dried beef stroganoff if Nocentini didn't start goddamn pedaling.

schmalz takes a day off, Evans attacks, Lance is a good teammate, Agritubel wins a stage.

Contador taking no chances. No way will he let Armstrong get yellow jersey and he showed he's stronger rider.

Pathetic Sherwen. "Armstrong will be in yellow... No way will Contador attack him... Armstrong is being the best teammate helping Contador..."

Armstrong must be boiling that he didn't get help to get back in yellow and there might not be another opportunity because Contador is just better

And now Bob Roll will come on the air and say that Lance meant to do that all along.

Nocentini in yellow, Contador 2nd, Armstrong 3rd.

Yup, but 'Berto is in 2nd place.

I think 'Berto leapfrogged Lance there.

Frogs Reigning again

Frogs raining again.

France pees it pants

Schleck should slow down, see if Lance will keep sitting behind him.

See ya, Lance!

Armstrong tries to elbow 'berto off Cadel's wheel.

Wha? Cadel attacks? Is it raining frogs?

here we go...

Cadel! Contador jumps on it.

The only 2 in that break who have a chance for the win.

But they are more beloved than Castor and Pollux...

Roman and Brice. Least know brother set since Joe and Ross Vannelli.

Fabian is going down like catholic school girls at the senior prom.

someone else will be in yellow, it's official...

Man crush fading!

The race is now to see what finished first: the stage, my iPhone battery, or Menchov's GC hopes.

Was that just the General Lee that I heard?

Someone please attack!

Wiggins has lost so much weight it's like he's a British super model - Twiggo?

An Agritubel is dropped. Make an 'Agritubel is poor' joke now.

Getting up this early in Calgary is killing me. Agritubel looks like Aquafina

TJ. Hee hee.

I have seen some excellent donkey work in Mexico.

The break is dropping members like Trannys at a sex change operation convention.

...and just what is "donkey work" Phil. TJ anyone?

Contador watching Armstrong like a hawk.

"He" being whom, Dan?

jinx
jinx

Thank you Mrs. Liggett!!

Now that I know that I'm going to let him grope me at Interbike.

Yes he is and I am rapidly trying to unlearn the fact that Phil has an open marriage.

Garmin moving up!

Allez Cyril Dessel? How about Allez Maison Cyril Dessel...

Lance just radioed back to the Hog, asking for a Spanish translation for "Left turn at alberquerque."

Yeah! Schmalz! Andy is doing a great job as your replacement. The rest of us suck.

Sadly it is me. I am following this stage via iPhone. The Star brewery was the only brewery in Iowa until the microbrew fad hit, before that Picketts brand ruled the day. SMASH!

Short, bald, skinny, white. Yes. That's pretty much half of the men in NYC.

Mechanic tries to lower Levi's saddle, not realizing the seatpost is bottomed out against the BB.

I told my kids to walk themselves to camp today, even gave them the subway fare. That's cool for a 5 and 7 year-old, right?

I think you mean "like all of the Empire dudes. Kind of femme"

Posting on NYVelocity, neglecting your family. Yup sounds like typical NYC cyclist.

I'm neglecting my daughter right now. She's youtubing amateur renditions of Barbie songs.

Anyone ever notice how Levi looks like half the men in NYC?

From the Rev WW twitter: Crash for Levi. Hope he had his Road ID...

Schmalz? Is that really you? Hmmm...Not sure. Prove it with a Thor SMASH tribute please, or a reference to an obscure Iowa beer.

The last twenty km. is about the last ten km.? Oooh, it sounds so non-Euclidian

Personally I am thrilled that every move Lance makes is being watched closer than the scrambled Playboy video at an eighth grade sleepover

Speaking of Bobby Jindhal, how cool would it be to have Kenneth the Page be a correspondent in the Tour?

There goes the Liquigas insight

Rabbobank goes down again. I guess those new tires made from gummy bears aren't working out so well.

Crash Test team. Stay away from Rabobank riders in the peloton.

Paul reads from the guidebook, makes a suave segue back to the race.

And Phil is confused again.

Leipheimer crashes, Lance tells him to close his eyes and count to 100 and the team will then drag him back to the bunch.

Bottle thrown to ground!

Curse of the Chicken takes down another Rabobank.

CRASH!

When did Bobby Jindhal change his name to Robby Ventura?

frankie: so 1992 it's hilarious

Caisse d'Epargne moving to the front to work for Alberto.

For this to be a proper TdSchmalz we need a farm animal metaphor and awkward declarations of man crushes.

god damn, leipheimer is a compelling salesman. road ID? I AM IN.

I've got both on, suckas. HD on the tv, then to the web during commercials.

Really? Cause I'm making money working in my jammies, drinking good coffee, and watching the Tour on my giant TV. You're what, watching on your browser and shitting your pants every time Lumburgh walks by looking for his TPS report? Yeah, Versus TV is for losers.

Paul working on the 'Lance is infallible' narrative now. If he gets dropped it's because he's riding within himself.

Is that what Cadel calls it, Paul? Hiding his form?

http://www.versus.com/tourdefrancelive

Does Cadillac think cycling dudes know what it means to "slip on a new dress"?

Quit stealing our Stop signs. Put your own damn word for stop on 'em

Going through tollbooths. Lance tells 'Berto he needs exact change to get through.

Freire moving up through the pack like bacon and cream mussels through CJ's digestive tract after one too many Piraats.

No feathered hair yet today...

I miss the Universal Giro announcrers

Weird Ag2r argyle-like logo getting lots of play in the break today. JV likely to smother Ag2r DS tonight with a corduroy jacket.

Phil mentions Lance, "Dancing on his pedals"... Is that the first time this year?

I'm drinking a shot of espresso everytime a Lance or Astana commercial comes on screen. I think I might have to go to the hospital.

i nominate "The General" for best Tour commercials. discuss

He's now at 95.

Everytime Lance talks to the press or give one of his prerecorded speeches he should be docked 10 points for running off at the mouth however truth be known , having Lance make his comeback only proves that he missed the lime light of stardom and was tired of dating has been actresses and country stars...

I think Lance Armstrong is (deep inhale) a wonderful guy.

I'm taking one dick point for the smirk. Is that 96 now?

Liters of drugs just smuggled across the Andorran border concealed in the veins of pro cyclists.

Interview with Lance/Frankie now. Lance with the biggest smirk of all time, and doing the 'tell' again. And again!

Good for him!

Speaking of throwing up in your mouth, I heard the other day that Uncle Phil has an open marriage.

From the road: I just heard that Lance borrowed a special Garmin unit for Berto that will send him off the side of the mountain on the descent, he first tested this unit with Beloki.

OK, I'm already missing the snarky gnome. Can't he use the company iPhone or something?

Pre-recorded piece with Armstrong... I just threw up in my mouth, and then on the floor.

anyone want to go in on a "chalk-bot" message? i wonder if it can draw a 40 foot phallus...

until a week ago, i was bald, spending too much on car insurance, and living my life in constant fear of a street fight breaking out spontaneously. thank you versus.

Bruyneel being interviewed now. Hog is already boycotting Sporza (Belgian network), but is still talking to Frankie. World is upside down. Frankie seething inside.

9:09: Phil always carries his Suitcase of Courage (i.e. Depends adult diapers)...

Alberto will hurt dickstrong today

Attacks with Sastre and gets second 30 seconds up on Lance and Berto, as well as Cadel and the Schlecks. Lance takes the Yellow.

when did Screech start racing bicycles?

...once he gets un-dropped, that is

cancellara will attack to put pressure on astana and will win the stage by 7 minutes

Just reminded that there's a polka-dot jersey at the Tour. I think Phil was reminding himself by reading the message he tatooed on his arm. It also included a grocery list for milk, eggs, and Oops I Crapped My Pants.