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tour day schmalz 2011 stage 2

Mon, 07/04/2011 - 11:11am by schmalz

Not to engage in hyperbole, but yesterday’s stage one was the greatest stage one in the history of the Tour de France. This is not due to the stage’s action (which there actually was a surplus of) so much as it’s due to the fact that the first stages of the Tour are traditionally tremendously boring. I blame the prologue. In years past the prologues have been too short to have any effect on GC, and the only time there was any excitement in a prologue was when Pedro Delgado forgot his start time in 1989 and lost 2:40. The rest of the prologues were simply really short time trials that favored specialists and British guys. This does not make for exciting bike racing. To put it plainly, prologues are boring. And I do realize that most years the first stage of the Tour is called a prologue and the first stage after is called stage one, but in this instance I’m speaking of the first actual stage with racing in it, even if it’s just an 8 minute display of riding by oneself. The fact remains as always—prologues stink.

Yesterday’s stage however was splendid. Gilbert delivered like the methodical marauding milkman that he is, Fabian attacked, Cadel gained time, Alberto lost time, VDV was probably bounced out of contention (boo!), and Phil Liggett may have called a racer “colored”. I didn’t hear the last bit as I was watching the stage on DVR and usually don’t pay attention to the talking going on—or they edited that bit out on the later rebroadcasts—which is more likely. I don’t necessarily take his use of “colored” as an indication that Phil is a member of the British Klan (disclaimer, using the word colored is really stupid and/or clueless and insensitive and I don’t condone the use of really stupid words) so much as I take it as an indication that Phil is really, really old. But I will be watching Phil more closely now in case he is a potential Klan member, but I fear even that won’t make up for the fact that he will at one point call Nicolas Roche “Stephen”.

The big GC losers on the day yesterday were Contador and Sammy Sanchez, so today we will be treated to the sight of Spaniards trying to gain time in a TTT. The TTT is another cycling discipline that needs freshening up, it’s basically like a day at a job you hate—it all comes down to watching the clock. I would suggest adding another element to the race. I would have the top GC contenders flying along their opposition in helicopters, as they try to shoot their opponents with paint balls, Sarah Palin style. Every hit to the captain adds a second to the time of the GC rider, so domestiques can take shots for their leaders, this may sound dumb, but it’s not sillier than the timed “grading curve” they used a few years ago.

The Race

I spent the day grilling 55 pounds of pork and drinking gallons of Wisconsin beer, so I missed the stage on TV, but the internet tells me that Thor SMASHed his way into yellow, Garvelo won the stage, Contador lost 28 seconds and Euskaltel raced like Euskaltel, losing 1:22.

No one was paint balled during the stage.

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By: Kyllian Bartape
Wed, 07/06/2011 - 10:23am

JV reminds me of Ralphie from "A Christmas story." must be the glasses

Diego Cage to remedial
By: dick
Tue, 07/05/2011 - 3:30pm

Diego Cage to remedial web-junk class

Antonio Munoz is cat 5 at
Tue, 07/05/2011 - 2:58pm

Antonio Munoz is cat 5 at grammar.

"Dick" to Sylvan Learning
By: Diego Cage
Tue, 07/05/2011 - 2:37pm

"Dick" to Sylvan Learning Center.

'Road Rage'
By: Sprockets 11
Tue, 07/05/2011 - 12:07pm

I think the CRCA board needs to communicate with the Foundation team to settle things down. Given the following incidents of late, its seems there is a storm brewing that might best be calmed before it gets worse:

1. CRCA disqualification for re-entering A race against the rules and fair warning
2. Quintero drug violation
3. CRCA B race aggressive riding
4. Antonio Munoz - "threats"

Is there going to be a drive
By: Tupac
Tue, 07/05/2011 - 11:00am

Is there going to be a drive by at the next CRCA race?

Help please
By: Huh?
Tue, 07/05/2011 - 10:57am

Can someone translate for me? I am a bit lost on that one.

look, it's understandable
By: dick
Tue, 07/05/2011 - 10:21am

look, it's understandable that mr. munoz got tired of the crca losers and all the rest in this website talking duty. i personally believe that, most US Americans, in this website, cannot do so because they do not HAVE a real saquad that is able to hold down the hardest, regardless, everywhere like such as foundation, and we should HELP the crca, or the rest in the website and mr. munoz, so that we can build up our future.

um, antonio?
By: Luchino Tank
Tue, 07/05/2011 - 9:52am


antonio, where did lisban get
By: Quentin Locknut
Mon, 07/04/2011 - 10:52pm

antonio, where did lisban get his drugs?

FOUNDT. ----
By: Sander Cage
Mon, 07/04/2011 - 5:22pm

That Big Pun is whas up.
Appropo to foundation' latast scandel the line in that clip "All yall heroes is goin down" rings true.

I think that this is now the
By: mikeweb
Mon, 07/04/2011 - 4:44pm

I think that this is now the 2nd best stage in the history of the TdF after today's.

Maybe Phil will even refer to Nicolas Roche as 'Papa'.

Which Wisco beer are you
By: Adam Lorica
Mon, 07/04/2011 - 4:27pm

Which Wisco beer are you drinking?

Mon, 07/04/2011 - 4:02pm

keep talking duty losers:

like pun say -"i gave you fair warning, beware...beware...beware
"gotta keep ya eyes open wide and hide ya face from the streets"
"my saquad is real and holds down the hardest regardless, besides the largest, we polish the floor with the rawest hardcore riders"-

-"im not the one you should be understamating or we can go blow for blow like evander and Bowe"-

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